We’ve been living in the world of radio silence from our adoption agency. We turned everything in, did the home study, had the interviews and it was time to wait.
The silence was working for me.
We didn’t email, call, or text the agency–who wants to be the pesky parents before the baby even shows up? Plus, they are super busy so it didn’t seem to me they would be reaching out to us just for fun.
But on Monday we got an email from the person who oversee’s our adoption process.
From the agency liaison it was a simple “Checking-in to make sure you didn’t think we forgot you” note coupled with a little “Here’s some information so you don’t go crazy making things up in your own head” stuff.
But from God it was basically an “I’m going to expose you for who you really are” note coupled with some “You need a reminder of who I am” stuff.
She told us that she has been slinging our profile to some birthmothers but that the ones who have checked us out connected with other families. Those birth moms found the Calvin Harris to their Taylor Swift and we just weren’t their jam.
Mat called and was all jazzed. “It’s good to know they are showing our profile!” he said.
I don’t think he expected to heart that I was a little un-jazzed. “But they didn’t like us,” I said.
Our responses surprised me too. Mat is the one more anxious for the next baby to arrive while I seem to wade through the days unfazed by the prospect that this whole thing could take awhile. But here we sit, me a touch upset and Mat a touch excited.
I was thinking about our situation and praying that maybe I wouldn’t be so surprisingly fragile when God kindly pointed me to the real problem. I have an issue and this reaction stands a proof point that my issue hasn’t lost it’s grip on me.
Approval. It’s my thing and not in a good way. I want to be wanted. I desire to be liked. I long for approval like all of us in Dallas long for a stretch of September days that don’t reach 85 degrees.
Hence, I wasn’t loving that real birth moms out there had looked at us and said no thank you.
Progress. It’s Mat’s thing and lots of times in a good way. He wants proof that things are moving toward a goal. He despises stagnation. Mat loves progress like Americans love Pumpkin Spice Lattes.
Therefore, Mat was happy to receive confirmation that real birth moms had been given the chance to chose our family.
I will refrain from commenting on Mat’s desire for progress–maybe he will tell you about that here sometime. Instead, let’s just stick with my issue.
Y’all, it wasn’t even the confirmation that we aren’t getting a baby really soon that made me upset. It was just not being chosen.
There’s a reason that God calling out the broken jar spilling sticky on the floor of our heart is identified as grace. We say it’s grace because after noting the spill he calls for a clean up on aisle 7.
I needed (and still am working on) a clean up.
It turns out that adopting a baby is 0% about me and my family being likable. By no means is this a celebration of how awesome we are at getting donuts on Saturdays or taking cute family photos.
It’s about homes for babies who need a family to love them no-holds-bar.
Sometimes It’s about families that have been aching to add to their numbers but that hasn’t happened by the traditional means.
It’s always about courageous birth moms who deserve to place their baby in a family they want to walk this road beside.
It’s about the beauty of gospel adoption mirrored to a watching world.
So I am going to do a couple things to help me engage more rightly than wrongly in the bitter-sweet thing that we call adoption:
- First. I will rejoice for the families and birth moms who have matched.
I will spend some time over the next few days praising the Lord for the work of reconciliation he brings about through these specific families and these specific birth moms. I will praise him for guiding birth moms to the families he has chosen for them. I will be praising him for the joy and peace he has brought about for all parties involved in these matches. I will be asking God to show favor to these birth moms and families as they walk together through the next couple of months before these babies are born. I’ll be asking for flourishing relationships, mutual love, and ease of interaction between these families and birth moms. I will be asking that the story of the gospel and reconciliation through Jesus Christ is proclaimed boldly through each match.
- Second. I will be praying for the women still deciding what path to walk.
There are eighteen women who haven’t decided how they are going to approach their pregnancy. I don’t know specifics, but I am praying that all eighteen choose life for their child. I am praying that as many as can provide a safe environment for their children to thrive will choose to parent and not to place for adoption. I am praying that those who will choose to place find a surprisingly comforting peace in that decision along with a strength they know doesn’t come from them.
I’d love to have you join me in praying these things.
If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.